Express it 2 live it

Just another weblog

I am home

on May 20, 2010

She will be gone in few hours and I don’t know when I will meet her again. The friend with whom I met few days ago is just travelling back home. It really hurts; when somebody you love leaves you and all you have are nothing but some promises of meeting some day. It is really so strange how intimately we grew towards each other, maybe it was due to her warm feelings and beautiful soul that break all barriers and orders.

I hugged her and decided to leave, I moved towards the door and my legs asking me to stay, just for other ten minutes to prolong the duration of meeting. But I hate goodbyes, so I made up mind and drove my way back.

The cold air hit my face while I was returning home, but actually I didn’t feel cold for the hot tears gathered into my eyes and ran down my cheeks.

“No, I want to travel”

The words echoed in my ears and I started to remember.

“Why do you want to travel?”

I now remember my harsh voice saying

“I’m fed up. Life here is so tiresome. I want more job opportunities; I like to have a more disciplined life with more earnings.”

“May be you’ll find better opportunities elsewhere, but you’ll certainly lose those who sincerely love you.”

“Why? I’ll come back some time….”

The whole incident helped me start thinking logically: ‘where is the perfect place that can make me happier? What is it that I want in my neighborhood and friends?’ Simply, I want a calm place where natural views amuse my sight, blue skies, and green meadows, near the river and close to my friends. Since I love meditation, I just love fresh air breezes and natural sights.  As a big fan of food and shopping, I would love also to have nearby restaurants and malls where my friends and I can go by every now and then.

Briefly, I need peacefulness in my life; peacefulness in terms of places and people. I want a place where there are people helping me in my merry moments as well as the sad ones. I want sincere friends. Actually, I hate around the clock life.

What?! The answer was kind of shocking to me. I just hate the place where I am dreaming to go and live where I can find more earnings. In fact, I am living where I want! These sincere friends, the vivid life we have together. Sometimes in order to gain something you have to lose another. So, in order to gain money, I will be losing that peculiar mix of tranquility and vividness!

How cruel was I?! I told the persons giving me peace and life that I want to leave them. I gave the same promises which hurt me knowing that my friend is leaving. I was going to cause my friends the same pain I am going through.

The weather was turning colder, but my home is now closer, warm feelings prevailing my emotions and a serious decision is growing bigger and bigger.


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